http://enc3310zine.pbwiki.com/aframport

The story improved greatly in development from the first draft to the last. It needs more separation into ideas so the reader can follow it more clearly. Also, there was some verb tense confusion towards the end. Interesting story all around, though.

personal narrative - 13 points

Afram's remix of John's narrative reflects his distinct style and voice. I thought his revamp showed a creative and fresh outlook. The language tends to become confusing at times. Perhaps try reading it aloud - or having someone else read it aloud. If the reader stumbles over a passage the chances are the wording should be changed. For Austin and Regina it seemed more a matter of taking away. I would have liked to see more input there.

remixes - 5 points

Grand Total - 18 points