I spent seven years in the military without ever having to sleep outdoors - everyone in the military has to sleep outdoors. Certainly someone else must have made it through only sleeping indoors, but we are now the few, the proud... the "uncamped." This anomaly simply demonstrates the ease of my military life. Occasionally I feel I missed out on a few good experiences, but I also know I avoided a few bad ones. Good or bad this is how it all worked out.

I went through Basic Training in 1999. The military required boots to spend one night in a tent as a part of the Field Training Exercise. "Yes, drill Sergeant!" This two day extravaganza would expose us to the “extreme” conditions of the field. "Sounds great, drill Sergeant!" By late afternoon of the first day we began gearing up for the highly anticipated war game between the recruits and the instructors. Several of us occupied oursevles applying camouflage paint to our faces and hands in highly detailed patterns which we all knew served no real purpose. "Could you pass the olive green, drill Sergeant?" Others discussed strategy on how to defend the camp, probably a waste considering the inevitability of defeat. The odds and battalion of savage looking war-dogs were against us. Regardless, we pumped ourselves up for the festivities. Then a freak thunderstorm popped up out of nowhere. Training rules strictly prohibit any outdoor activities when there is lightning within five miles. Instead of playing war games and sleeping outside, we enjoyed hot showers and nice cool beds. When morning broke we indulged in a nice cozy breakfast in the dining hall and then bused back to finish the exercise. I didn’t realize at the time, but this did in fact fully prepare me for any extreme conditions I would ever see in the Air Force.

Deployments, a very common occurrence in the Air Force, also requires sleeping outdoors. I unknowingly selected a job that deployed less than the average. My luck extended further, assigning me to a unit in a test wing. Test wings do not deploy as a group unlike the typical fighter wing which always deploys on a scheduled rotation. In certain situations an individual might deploy to augment a fighter wing on their rotation, especially those trained on any special equipment. Fortunately, I had no training on any special equipment. Then one day a tasking order trickled down for some kind soul trained on the Sampling Waveform Digitizing System, a part of our automated testing equipment. I had some experience with the equipment but no official training. Everyone avoided this machine like the plague. It was a vital piece of equipment but highly sensitive and easily broken. By default, (sergeant?) forwarded my name up for the tasking. I proceeded to obtain official certification on the equipment. An ordeal in itself, certification to sign off on repairs required a certain rank and skill level of which I lacked both. The group commander remedied the situation with a waiver allowing me to complete the training and certification. My probability of deployment grew with every page I read out of the massive manual.

The scramble to get me up to speed lost momentum, however, after the waiver secured the legality of the process. The hardest part now was keeping my trainers on task. I spent the remaining time teaching myself what I thought I needed to know, hoping for the best. Then, out of nowhere, my trainer volunteered to take my place. He never openly shared his motivation. Several rumors went around the shop: he needed the extra money; he wanted to get in shape. It didn’t matter to me. I was simply relieved. I had never felt qualified enough to fill this specialized tasking. Still no nights spent outdoors.

My closest call came in the beginning of 2003. I had recently been transferred to a new base and a new unit. This unit never deployed either. In fact, for my career field, only three non-deploying units existed. I never pushed my luck to try the third. Somehow, I kept ending up in the easy-as-cake assignments, the ones everyone else begged and pleaded for. Everywhere I went I heard “this isn’t the real Air Force." I jokingly shared this information with my new commander, he didn’t appreciate the humor. He did, however, ensure me that I would soon get my chance.

Unfortunately, Baghdad was a likely destination for this deployment, and things were really heating up over there. Soon after I volunteered my tour increased to 120 days. Tensions kept building, and in early March they informed me it would be more like 180 days. On March 20th we invaded Iraq. All I could think was “son of a…." However, April came and I hadn’t heard anything except “just be ready." In May I was told the same. In June I started asking around. The only answer they gave me was “they probably only want essential personnel over there right now." That suited me so I never asked again.

I like it. Hard to correct some of the passive voice because I didn't know who would be assigning you or ordering you... that kind of thing. Good stuff though.

Scott

JS - Narrative