Let the story begin.

Ok, so here's the story. My friend's neighbor does his lawnwork at 10:00 at night. Jackass, right? So anyway, his parents complain to me about it and so I decide that I'm the man to fix the problem once and for all. I walked over to where he was doing his lawn work and asked him to find a better time of day to do this so that the people he lives next to can get some sleep. This guy was huge. At LEAST six feet tall and build like a brick house. I wondered why I was so brave. He decided to tell me to piss off and to go fuck myself. Now if he had given me a reasonable explanation for why he had to do his lawnwork at night (some sort of rare skin condition) than I wouldn't have done anything, but the guy tells me to piss off and that is just down right disrespectful. I decided that a good session of revenge was in order.

Keep in mind that this was summer and it had rained everyday. I hadn't done the lawnwork in like a month, so the grass was growing taller than me. I attached the bag to the lawnmower and bagged ALL of that grass up having to stop several times to clear out the feeder of unusually long grass. I loaded the bags up in my friends trunk and we transported the cargo to his house. Then we hung out till about two A.M. and pulled the bags from the trunk. Covering up our faces and bodies (I wore a santa hat and he wore a black hoodie) we took his pocket knife and sliced some holes into the bags. Then we carried them over to his lawn and dumped them all over the place. We covered his truck, the bed of his truck, his lawn, his driveway, window sills, everything that could have been covered we did.

Though neither of us saw the reaction on his face, he no longer does his lawnwork at night. If he had treated me like an adult, it wouldn't have had to come to this, but he asked for it.

How to Get your Jackass neighbor.

Keep in mind that your neighbor does not have to be doing lawnwork at an unreasonable hour. This can apply to any transgression.

1. Allow lawn grass to grow far beyond one week. For best results, wait till the summer solstice.

2. Attach the bag to the lawn mower and bag all grass presently in your lawn.

3. Transport cargo to desired destination.

4. Wait until a horrible hour in the night, 2:00a.m. works great.

5. Use a pocket knife to cut large slits in the back and hold firmly with both hands. For best results, bring a rake to spread the grass more evenly.

6. Never return to the scene of this crime. Never bring it up. This person knows where you live and how far you'll go. Don't let them retaliate warrentedly.

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