How to Get the Best Service at a Restaurant:

I, as many of you may have guessed by my robust appearance love to eat out at restaurants. When I was a child we were very poor and we never went out to eat but now that I am older and have my own money I try to do it whenever possible. Its more than the food its the time spent with friends or loved ones, its be waited on, and its enjoying good food that you did not have to prepare at a somewhat reasonable cost. I, like most patrons of food establishments have had my fair share of bad service and I discovered the solution to the problem after a recent dining experience at P.F. Changs in Tampa.

My friend and I had been to Changs before and enjoyed the food but the service could have been better. We took a calculated risk and went for dinner on a Sunday night. We had this server named Jessica who was loud and obnoxious from the beginning. She came back with our drinks and we asked her a question about the restaurant; something to do with the number of staff working and was that enough. She answered, took our orders then came back shortly to check on us. We then started asking other questions about the restaurant unaware that it was in the process of being sold. She, after our questions asked us if we were buyers interested in the restaurant. We didn’t answer quickly enough and she got distracted by another table and was gone. We then discussed the idea of pretending to be big wigs from the corporate office. We decided this might work; for the purpose of scaring her into better service.

Throughout the evening we bombarded her with questions only someone from the corporate office would ask not once however telling her we were from corporate. She came to that conclusion on her own several moments after our meal arrived when she made it a point to come back to our table and apologize for her rude behavior thus far that evening. We then lectured her about the importance of maintaining a level of professionalism and reminded her that she is not just representing herself but the whole company. By the end of the meal the service was impeccable we had four servers and were receiving many free items off the menu for “our trouble”. Mind you now, we never said who we were, we never asked for her supervisor all we did was look and act the part and she built this elaborate story all on her own. To this day I have had better meals but never better service.

Steps to great service:

1. Upon arrival you become corporate (but never say it). You act, talk, question, and order like corporate would.

2. Be inquisitive about things only corporate would be inquisitive about.

3. Have an aura of authority and power.

4. Look around the restaurant, point and appear disappointed about the running of this particular restaurant. Remember you know what the best is and this restaurant is violation of many rules.

5. Lecture in an educational tone the importance of representation of the company, customer service and overall attitude of the server.

6. When service improves and the free items come rolling it, act like that is what is expected, do not act surprised as that will give away your true identity- a lowly patron.

7. Pay in cash and tell the servers the information they have given has been most helpful.

8. Take a moment to reflect because you will have just had the greatest service that restaurant can offer.

*Side note: The above "How to" should only be used with large chains; Chili’s, Olive Garden, Maggianos, P.F. Changs- independent owners could give two craps who you are and where your from so if the food is good and the service stinks just be grateful the food is good.

*The Very Best Service: Take the time to prepare a meal with your spouse, fiancé, boyfriend or girlfriend, and take the time to talk about what is going on in your lives and then enjoying the meal that the two of you created together. If your single: order a pizza and jam on the wiki.

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