I managed to spend seven years in the military without ever having to sleep outdoors. Looking back now this seems ridiculously improbable for anyone to accomplish. This anomaly simply demonstrates the ease of my military experience. Occasionally I feel I missed out on a few good experiences, but I also know I avoided a few bad ones. Good or bad, this is how it all worked out.
I went through Basic Training in 1999 when it was a requirement to spend one night in a tent as a part of the Field Training Exercise. The purpose of this two day extravaganza was to expose us to the “extreme” conditions of the field. By late afternoon of the first day we began gearing up for the highly anticipated war game between the recruits and the instructors. Several of us occupied ourselves applying camouflage paint on our faces and hands in highly detailed patterns which we all knew served no real purpose. Others were discussing strategy on how to defend the camp, despite the inevitability of defeat. It was rigged against us; half the point was to lose and learn from our mistakes. Regardless, we were all pumped up for the festivities. Then a freak thunderstorm popped up out of nowhere. Training rules strictly forbid any outdoor activities when there is lightning within five miles. Instead of playing war games and sleeping outside, we enjoyed hot showers and nice cool beds. When morning broke we indulged in a nice cozy breakfast at the dining hall and then bused back to finish the exercise. I didn’t realize at the time, but this did in fact fully prepare me for any extreme conditions I would ever see in the Air Force.
Deployments, a very common occurrence in the Air Force, also provides another opportunity to sleep outdoors. I unknowingly managed to pick a job that deployed less than average. My luck extended further when I was assigned to a unit in a test wing. Test wings do not deploy as a group like the typical fighter wing which are always on a scheduled deployment rotation. In certain situations an individual may get pulled out to augment a fighter wing, especially if you are trained on any special equipment. Our unit eventually received one of these deployment orders, we called them "taskings", for someone trained on the Sampling Waveform Digitizing System, a part of our automated testing equipment. Of course, this was something I had some experience with, but was not officially trained on. Everyone else avoided this piece of hardware like the plague. It was a vital piece but highly sensitive and easily broken. By default my name was forwarded up for the tasking and I proceeded to get officially certified on the equipment. This was quite an ordeal; a certain rank and skill level were required to be able to sign off on any repair, and at the time I lacked both. The group commander remedied the situation by presenting me a waiver allowing me to complete the training and certification.
The scramble to get me up to speed for the tasking lost momentum after the paperwork portion was completed. The hardest part now was keeping my trainers on task. I spent the remaining time teaching myself what I thought I needed to know and hoped for the best. Then, very unexpectedly, my trainer volunteered to take my place. He never openly shared why he decided to do this. Several rumors went around the shop on his motives: he needed the extra money, he wanted to get in shape. It didn’t matter to me, I was simply relieved because I never felt qualified enough to fill this specialized tasking.
My closest call came in the beginning of 2003. I had recently transferred to a new base and a new unit. This unit never deployed either. In fact, for my career field, only three non-deploying units existed. I never did push my luck to get the third. Somehow, I kept ending up in the cake assignments, the ones everyone else begged and pleaded for. Everywhere I went I was told “this isn’t the real Air Force”. I jokingly mentioned that in front of my new commander. He didn’t appreciate the humor. He did however ensure me that I would soon get my chance.
Within a couple months, my unit was required to send one person to the Middle East. The 90 day assignment was a really
arduous escort duty scheduled for some time in the spring. This time no one volunteered and my name was at the top of the list. I didn't like the thought of being "voluntold" to go, and it seemed inevitable, so I stepped up. This went against my firm conviction to never volunteer for anything.
Unfortunately, Baghdad was a likely destination for this deployment, and things were really heating up over there. Soon after I volunteered my tour was increased to 120 days. Tensions kept building, and in early March they informed me it would be more like 180 days. On March 20th we invaded Iraq, and all I could think was “son of a…”. However, April came and I hadn’t heard anything except “just be ready”. In May I was told the same. In June I started asking around and the only answer they gave me was “they probably only want essential personnel over there right now”. That was good enough for me, so I never asked again.
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