The So-Called General

The fog created by the artillery began to lift, leaving Athanasious to survey the damage. It appeared they lost only a trivial amount of men and the opposing army was completely annihilated. As his army began to cheer four figures began in emerge from the fog. Upon close examination Athanasious realized these were not his men but men of another army. All looking quite weathered from years of apparent battle. They each wore a different uniform and as they approached he recognized them as his lifelong heroes; Alexander the Great, Napoleon, George Washington and Theodore Roosevelt. Athanasious began to quiver with excitement. His heroes all here to see his great victory. He stood erect as a proper general, preparing for the treasury of compliments he was about to receive.

The four men stood staring at Athanasious as if waiting for him to begin the conversation. He started to introduce himself but was quickly cut of by the short man in the over-sized hat. “You know what your problem is monsieur? You are too busy eating croissants behind your soldiers to really govern your army. They do all the fighting while you remained poised to except the congratulations that will soon follow. You make me sick and if I were not dead I would give you a good thrashing myself.” Dumbfounded by what he had just heard, he quickly regained his composure and started to defend his actions.

Then as if sensing the oncoming argument Washington began to speak before Athanasious could muster a defense. “You are the worst excuse for a soldier I have every seen. You should be shoeing horses instead of commanding an army. My wooden teeth in a blind donkey you manage a better effort then you displayed today.” Washington quickly removed his teeth and rifled them at Athanasious striking him in the head. Before he could muster a scream Alexander cleared his throat.

“I have fought with some of the best soldiers to have ever picked up a sword and killed them as well. I led my soldiers into battle. They followed me. I was the one taking the credit because I led my men. You do not lead you merely follow and receive glories that do not becoming of a man of your character.”

By this point Athanasious had began to see a pattern and instead of trying to speak he waited for Roosevelt to take his turn beating the candy out of the piñata that was his ego. “I don’t know fellas I thought he did a mighty fine job, reminded me of when I was in Panama.” Roosevelt paused, than began to laugh the others chimed in, each with own unique laughter. “I couldn’t keep it up anymore!” Roosevelt said between laughs. “He is the worst soldier I have ever seen.” Regaining his composure he said two words “grossly inadequate”.

Athanasious began to hear a piercing noise like the wail of a child overdue for his mother’s milk. Athanasious leaned over and struck his alarm clock ending the noise. He was covered in sweat, lying in his bed, it was 7:30 and he was late for school.

That was the day I gave up my dream of becoming a military hero. I am now 26 and practicing law at one of the biggest firms in New York. I decided to become an attorney the day of that dream. I knew I could never be a general but now maybe one day I can at least make partner.