It's a new year, and I am preparing myself for yet another family vacation. This will be different. My brother and sister are not coming, just Papa Peeples, Mama Peeples, and me. I wake up in darkness and begin to prepare for the journey that awaits. We are driving to the airport; it's a smooth trip segmented by a brief conversation with a police officer about being late and what constitutes a valid excuse for breaking traffic laws. We receive no citation due to the officer’s mercy and his noticeable attraction to my mother. We arrive at the airport, check in, board, and were off; due in large part to the four small power plans that are attached to this oversized soup can.

Denver, CO. It's beautiful here. Snow has been falling constantly, like a one-legged gymnast in a floor routine. An avalanche blocks our direct path to the resort; we have to go around (please add 2 hours to your trip). I assume control of the ipod-radio. The Doobie Brothers welcome us to Winter Park. It's cold and white. A blizzard blankets the mountain in confectioners sugar and I'm the donut that's about to be rolled around in it. We arrive at the resort, relax and head to bed excited about what the new day will bring.

I wake up in daybed that I can only hope has been sanitized for my health purposes. At a sultry 12 below 0 F we hop in a ski lift. This ski lift hated mornings, Floridians, and moving more than 4 yards without resting for 5 minutes. I had never considered the worst place to be stuck in -12 degree weather. Now I don't have to. We make it off without frostbite or hypothermia fully setting in. Strapped to glorified splinters we slide down the mountain in approximately 1/1000th of the time it took us to get up. We repeat this behavior periodically modifying our garb to maximize modesty and warmth. Vacation has officially begun.

We break for a quick lunch. With a scenic view of cold people and snow we eat overpriced food. Why did I order a Thai dish with duck at a restaurant which not only employed no Asian workers but had never in fact seen an Asian? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that sauce was ketchup based.

I leave my duck and the ski bunny that serve it to me and I head for the mountain once more. It is high time I go off on my own. I hit the moguls on a black diamond called "Columbine" (no relation to the school, although it is the state flower of Colorado). I go back up the lift with a man from Miami who likes to have sex with "stupid chicks" - we haven't kept in touch. I choose a slope called "Edelweiss". I go with the gusto; that can only be chalked up to the fact that the duck was beginning to work its magic. Picking up speed I spot a ramp of snow some kind person has fashioned at the edge of the trail. Quickly I redirect. I plot my course: a jaw dropping jump followed by a quick cut left, shoot through a patch of trees and drop down a snow wall back to the slope. I go, I jump, I begin turning, I stop to inspect a sturdy evergreen.

While lying in the snow like an abandoned G.I. Joe I have time to reflect: "my I hit that tree forcefully. I suspect I have broken my arm. Wait... yep that's broken." It doesn't hurt too horribly at this point. Evidently adrenaline numbs pain in addition to making you stupid. I gather my poles (my skis stayed on some how). No one is really around. Why start being rational now? I use the poles to hold my shattered elbow at a 90 degree angle while I ski down the rest of the mountain hoping that I don't fall and that no jackass snowboarder cuts me off. At a flat part I have to take my skis off and carry them with my poles in my left hand while my broken right arm dangles at my side. I approach a ski station at the bottom of the mountain.

As I near the building I hear the mountain roar with anger. As I turn I see a wall of snow quickly approaching. I started to yell but was overcome by the snow. I am lifted into the air and quickly pulled under this mammoth wave of snow. I am thrown about as if the snow is toying with me prior to my demise. I begin to see a bright light. I wonder, is this the end? Did the snow claim another victim?

The light is then blocked by a shadow. As my eyes refocus I see a bright read parka and recognize the ski patrol officer. I hear him say “You alright kid? You hit that tree pretty hard, don’t worry helps on the way”. Turned out I broke my arm and have the steel plate to prove it. Although I still wear the sling for the fashion.

For video of one of my many crashes click here

http://www.guzer.com/videos/bad_ski_wreck.php

I dig it. Thanks for the input.

Scott

Would it be easy to route the video through youtube? That way we could embed the html here, this remix or even is Scott's final version. -ShareRiff